I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
