we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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