Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
