Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Barsexuality is the new black.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize