We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
