Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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