Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
