woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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