how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
