between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
