Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
