I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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