He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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