How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
