At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Panties = found
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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