Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
