I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
