You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
