the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
