I'm going to jail i love you
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
