At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
