Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
