There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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