Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
