I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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