ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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