does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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