Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Randomize
