Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
