Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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