He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
