some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
