My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
