You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
She needs sedatives and a leash
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
