No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
