Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
