If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
