I wanna passion pit in your ass
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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