Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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