im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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