i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
