I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize