Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
