dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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