She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
