I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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