He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I licked your asshole in confidence.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
