ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
