I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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