I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
