He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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