Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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