but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
