remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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