im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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