I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
