Kiss
Puke
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
