You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
