Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
