After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
