Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
