Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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