Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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