Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Is it penis luge time yet?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
