in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
