remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
