i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
